There Should Be a Universal Size

So, I'm at work folding pants. (Yeah, this is going to be another post about work.) The manager suggests, "Why don't you size them?" Because I have nothing better to do with my time than put pants into size order. And because all of our customers will innately know that once the display is folded, the jeans are in size order, and they won't have to fling jeans left and right to find their size.
In case it's not apparent, I am being sarcastic. Putting pants/cardigans/anything is size order does nothing, because department store customers are brainless and don't know how to count. No, that's unfair. Most associates (like me) don't size them in the first place, so they don't expect the displays to be in size order. But they're still stupid.
This is why there should be a universal size.
Imagine: you're having a bad day because some disgusting person vomited all over your area of employment, your coworkers undermine your authority in front of customers, and the customers undermine your authority by thinking they know more about your job even though they're dumb and you've held that position for over a fucking year--I digress. So you think to yourself, Gee, I bet new clothes and being rude to a sales associate would really make me feel better. Now imagine walking into a store, seeing something cute, and not needing to try it one because...it's your size! Everything is your size! No longer do you have to wait in long lines to get into a sweltering dressing room that reeks of body odor and vomit (somebody vomited in my fitting room today; I apologize for the repeated mental images). No longer do you have to worry about something not looking right on you!
Of course, this would entail everyone needing to be the same body-type. So, we'd either all need to get thinner or get fatter. My guess is the latter, since there seem to be more fat people than skinny people. Which is okay with me. Honestly, skinny people, take one for the team.
Once we all had the exact same physique, there would be no more judgement about physical appearance. Except for facial features. But we don't want everyone to be the same. I'm not trying to create a science fiction nightmare here. I just want to get out of sizing clothes and doing item locating.
Now, imagine the benefits for your friendly neighborhood Macy's sales associate!
She would not have waste her time sizing shit. All of the displays would look beautiful because everything would stack so nicely. She would not have to get pulled from her department down to juniors, because even junior girls can't make that big of a mess when they don't need to search for shit. She wouldn't have to leaf through six clearance rounders, the fitting room, and the entire stockroom to find a $9.79 clearance t-shirt in a size medium, because there wouldn't be a size medium. She wouldn't have to call San Francisco, where they never pick up the goddamn phone. Everyone would buy more because everything would look good, and her sales would be fantastic. She wouldn't have to play maid and clean up for the pigs who use the fitting room to vomit. She wouldn't have to make sure the sizes on the hangers matched the sizes on the tags. And switch tickets would be so much easier to detect.
Of course, this benefits you too, Macy's customers, for imagine how much happier I would be if I didn't have to waste my time searching for your stupid size because you were too stubborn to purchase the shirt when it was regular price and in stock. Imagine how much happier I would be if I didn't have to clean up after grown women because they think they're good enough to leave all of their clothes in a pile on the floor on top of the pile that was there from the previous bitch, along with all of their trash, food wrappers, hangers, and tickets that they ripped off the clothes. I would be so much happier. I wouldn't feel like saying "fuck" or some derivation of that interjection every other word, and some of my smiles might actually be genuine.
So the time has come, Macy's shoppers, to attain equality--of size. Start by spending $25 on clothes and using the other $25 to buy the godiva chocolate located at every register. Then you can use your $20 off of a $50 purchase while still maintaining the calories. Coupons work on chocolate, but they do not work on everyday values. Doesn't that say something? Yes. It says, "Start eating." Unless you're the ideal size. (Which I haven't figured out...How about a 13? That's my lucky number. Yes. Let's go with 13.) Then, you are perfect just the way you are.
~ToriannaLamba